Photograph by Tumisu
THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat by Elda M. Lopez is a beautiful book. It’s a while since I read such an insightful book full of real life examples. The book as the writer pointed out is for people that are in a serious relationship. For people that are going or thinking of going into a serious relationship.
The book starts by defining the basics of what is fidelity and catalogs three types of romantic relationships based only on mere observation. I identified my current relationship in on of the three, and it helped me get into the frame of where I am heading too.
It gives a plethora of examples from the animal kingdom that establish a monogamous relationship. Did not know that Wolves were monogamous. Also, she mentions other instances both animal and human tribes that practice polygamy or free sex and they are mostly matriarchs in nature.
The Second Chapter I found amazing because it tackles the marriage issue and also that the two magic words I DO that are said in a wedding ceremony are not just words. The author manages to present the importance of them and the gravity of the whole situation. I liked the presentation of the possible thoughts that people have when they are getting married, and they are not ready to commit. It emphasizes the reality which is that marriage is a serious business is for life and if you are not 100% sure then the best thing to do is not to commit.
Also is you are going to get married do it for you. Don’t do it to satisfy the needs and wants of other people.
Chapter three presents three practical scenarios that all start well and then shows how it will go terribly wrong. It covers a lot of possibilities, and it’s really an educational chapter that I enjoyed. The main thing I got out of this chapter is that communication is king in a relationship.
The forth chapter are answers from both men and women on four fundamental questions about fidelity. It is interesting to see the replies of these men and females. Their replies is a microcosm of the society we live in. You see how they perceive and interpreter fidelity and cheating. I am sure that a lot of you like me will agree and disagree with the answers.
Chapter five is some true stories of how people dealt with fidelity and how they succeed and also how they failed. You can derive some useful conclusions from these stories, I found them intriguing and educating.
Chapter six presents and analyzes the Emotional cheating. Just because you are not physically having sex with another person. That doesn’t mean you are not cheating on your partner. Also, various examples illustrate of how cheating can lead into more trouble than you had in the first place.
Chapter seven is a statistic heaven about divorce in the USA. If you are into statistics, then this chapter is for you. Also this section of the book presents, data and info about laws governing divorce and cheating in different states of the country. This chapter also analyses and presents a pragmatic aftermath of a divorce; it shows you in economic terms how much cost for a couple to get a divorce. It was enlightening because most people assume that divorce is a simple procedure, but the after effects, both emotional and physical are something to consider.
The statistics shows the physical harm kids go through when caught between a divorced couple.
Chapter eight is the authors own personal story with fidelity, and it’s a nice touch as it allow you to connect more with the author and also further understand the reasons she wrote the book. It was a nice touch, and I am glad that even after her divorce she saw it as an advantage since the time off away from her ex allowed her to spend some valuable time with her mother.
The final chapter is an excellent chapter. It shows you how to learn from your mistakes and be able to right them. To be able to become a better person. It gives advises of how to deal with various problems and also provides a basic algorithm of what to do to improve your communication skills. It advocates that men and women are not enemies but partners in life and we should work together and not against each other.
As I was reading this book, I had parallel thoughts and saw similarities between smoking (nicotine addiction) and cheating. They are both bad for your health, both psychological and emotional. They both cost you a lot of money, and finally, they both do not make you a better person. So I agree with he author that Cheating is Defeating. I know that quit smoking was one of the best things that I ever did in my life. I was never a cheater in any of my relationships because well that’s how I am I guess. This book helped me understand myself even more of how I function in a relationship.
My suggestion is to buy and read this book; you should see it as an investment for your current or future relationship. One that will help you grow emotionally in your relationship. One that will save you a lot of money in the future.